So am I the only one who’s noticed how sexy the PS3 has become? Remember when it first launched and all the hype that surrounded it? It was like when my buddy started dating this girl and he wouldn’t shut up about how awesome she was. Talking about her big ol’ tities and all the stuff she would do. Then I met her, and I said to myself “yeah, she’s got big titties, but all FAT girls do”. THAT was the PS3. I knew it was awesome but its $600 price point was like the third chin I just couldn’t look past. Besides, I was spending all my time with a cute little Asian. The Nintendo Wii was the new, fun, and CHEAP console; she was the quintessential exotic chick that everybody wanted. Flash forward a couple of years and now the PS3 is this sexy ebony temptress that I just can’t keep my hands of off. It’s poised to bend the entire industry over its knee and deliver the spanking we all deserve for ignoring her all this time. I swear, the PS3 makes the Wii look like the red headed step child of the family. How the hell did this happen?
PS3 at launch
PS3 Now
Price
It’s a well known fact that when chubby girls loose twenty pounds, their personality instantly becomes more obvious. I mean, maybe the fat chick was interesting before but how could you tell? I know you didn’t talk to her, you shallow bastard. This same principle works for the PS3. When the price fell to $399, people started to notice. Maybe the black box was worth a second look. And now with another rumoured price drop, she’s only looking better.
I'll take ten!
Games
Any moron knows that it’s the games that make a console worth buying. Sonic the Hedgehog put 15 million Genesis consoles in homes worldwide. So when the PS3 launched it was fair to expect some games worthy of the hype and the $600 price tag. Well Sony was awesome enough to give us Resistance: Fall of Man……wait, what? Okay, who the f@#k asked for Resistance? WHERE IS MY METAL GEAR SOLID 4? And don’t try to tell me about the early games. Yeah, Uncharted looked good but it would look even better on the HDTV that I wouldn’t have for another two years. You know Sony’s timing was a bit messed up, but I guess true art takes time, and just like the red headed step child, the PS3 needed to take a few hits before improving its game. After two years of near total disappointment, the PS3 pulled itself together and released Metal Gear Solid 4. F#$K YES! And have you seen the exclusive line up for the fall? God of War 3, Uncharted 2 and Mario Kart Mod Nation Racers are all looking awesome. Oh sweet merciful Gods of Gaming, we thank you for the bounty we are about to receive.
Uhhh..Snake, is that you?
Much better.
Internet Browser
Ask any connoisseur of internet porn and they’ll tell you that the one problem with computers is the tedious, post-orgasm ritual of painstakingly going through your history and deleting every trace of your sexual deviancy. That’s no longer an issue with the PS3. It’s like the sexy friend every guy wants; you know the one that can keep a secret. Just plug in a mouse and keyboard and you can have hot “dates” every night on a BIGGER screen without having to ditch any evidence. (Except the tissues)
See hunny, I told you I was searching the internet for produce. What a misunderstanding!
PSN
Back when the PS3 first launched the online aspect definitely came off as an after thought. Slowly but surely the online came into its own, with massive releases like the Street Fighter HD Remix and Bionic Commando: Rearmed, the quality and value of downloadable games justified itself for the price it was asking. I found myself checking the releases every week for the Playstation Store. Now with the PS1 games out on the PSN Sony is playing with my heart strings (and wallet).
Quality of PSN before
Quality of PSN now
Media Options
Sony has a great video service where you can download movies to watch, nuff said. Also you can organize all of your family pictures on your PS3. Pretty cool but I don’t care, I want to play games.
Get these assholes off of my PS3
Should I Buy it?
The PS3 has come a long way. Sure the Nintendo Wii still holds market share but that is largely to do with price. It’s like the $10 hooker of video game consoles where as the PS3 is now more like a high-class escort. She’s a little pricier but well worth the investment because she’s got enough tricks to keep you coming back. Also, I haven’t even mentioned the Blu-Ray player that comes standard in every unit. So basically, if you can afford it, go buy a PS3. Even if you can’t, go rob a bank or something. This sexy machine is only going to get more popular over the next few years and I KNOW you want to be invited to that party.
Buy this!
mhhhh…….waddymelon